Stop trying to "out-fuckboy a fuckboy" for revenge
This post is for all the girls out there who are looking to “out-fuckboy a fuckboy”.
You’re looking to be worse than your fuckboy. You want to get inside his mind and make him feel insecure, just as he’s made you feel insecure. You want to use him for sex and play mind games with his head, and leave him on read in the hopes that he finally feels unsure and confused, just like you.
Girl…for what?
I think we as humans have this weird desire to sometimes cause ourselves pain. You know, the news makes us depressed, but we keep watching it. We know nothing good will come out of stalking our ex, but we still click on their page. We’re already full, but we keep eating because it tastes so good in that moment.
And trust me, I know how it feels to want to cause pain to someone who’s been shitty to you.
Because essentially - that’s what trying to out-fuckboy a fuckboy is.
You’re trying to sink down to someone else’s level. Chad/Brad/whoever you’re currently seeing has subconsciously been telling you, in his own fuckboy ways, that he’s better than you.
He texts you whenever he wants. You’re not a priority. He’s seeing three other girls just like you. Thoughts of you don’t keep him up at night.
And after receiving enough of this behavior from Chad/Brad/whoever, you’re sick of it. You want to treat him the same. You want to treat others the same.
Basically, you just want to regain some power. You think that if act like you don’t care about Chad, you won’t. If you don’t treat him with respect, he’ll start to respect you. If you don’t give him the time of day, he’ll give you all the time he has. Here’s what we’re going to do instead.
Chad’s shitty cycle stops with you. It ends there.
I’ve talked before about one of my favorite influencers, Tiah Eckhardt (the_tiah on Instagram). One of my favorite things she’s ever said was back in 2014.
God, how amazing does it feel to read that? Every time I read it I fall in love with it even more.
Trying to out-fuckboy a fuckboy is perpetuating a shitty cycle. It doesn’t make you better than Chad/Brad, in fact it only shows how much power he does in fact have over you.
The best way to out-fuckboy a fuckboy is to ignore him, cut him off completely, and give your precious time and energy to literally anyone else.
Leaving him on read won’t change anything. Making out with another guy in front of him won’t move the needle. This Chad/Brad/whoever you’re dealing with has years of issues that caused him to treat people the way he’s treating you, and you need to step aside, watch Chad go by, and say to yourself “oh god damn, I’m glad I dodged that bullet”
The way you do regain that power that you so need right now is by taking Tiah’s advice.
Pay it forward, even with the crap.
Did Chad give you a back-handed compliment about your outfit? Tell a girl on the street the next day that you love her dress.
Did Chad leave you on read and ignore you? Reach out to an old friend and ask how they’ve been doing.
If Chad ignores you at a party, go and talk to three guys at that party you haven’t met before. If Chad tells you he went to the strip club with his boys last night, tell him you went volunteering yesterday at a soup kitchen. Sometimes you can still fulfill those petty and spiteful urges you have by being sickeningly sweet and devastatingly good.
Just because you’re taking the high road doesn’t mean that you can’t shout “hey, look up here!” to the people below you, and then flip them the bird.
You don’t need to be Mother Teresa, you just need to be better than Chad - rather than sinking down to his level.
One of the things that used to trip me up about this was the idea of fairness.
It’s not fair that Chad has treated you the way he does. If you leave, he won’t be punished or realize what he did wrong, and that just isn’t fair. It’s not fair that Chad gets to act this way and have no consequence for how his actions affect people.
You’re right, it really is so not fair.
But giving your time and energy and mental anguish to Chad and his whole…situation, will just be tipping the scales of unfairness in your direction even more.
Whenever I’m tempted to spend time on an ex that wronged me, or get revenge on someone who treated me poorly, I just try to thing of these words:
Flourish
Elevate
Thrive
Uplift
Upgrade
Develop
It sounds hokey, but it helps me to stop with those urges.
This quote is used everywhere, but it really is true:
The best revenge is not giving a shit
So if there’s anything I can stress to you, it’s to drop Chad like he’s a bag of ten-day-old garbage. The fuckboy cycle stops with you, and you won’t be interested in either participating in it, or spreading it along anymore.
Hope this helps, and let me know in the comments if you have any ways of your own to deal with a fuckboy!
Until the next one,
S