Something about the cartoon world just seems so nice and pleasant.

For one, I’ve never seen a blackhead in the cartoon world! And I’ve never smelled anything bad there, either! In fact, everything in the cartoon world is pretty perfect. The people are smooth and poreless, and they get to do physics-defying things like live in the clouds, or have perfect bangs (hi, Ariel) and I find myself envious.

Holy shit, is Mark Zuckerberg onto something?

I personally think they should be advertising the MetaVerse with this in mind. I’m thinking slogans like “MetaVerse: There’s no period cramps in here!” and then you just swap out the slogan for whatever demographic you’re advertising to.

At any rate, if I could wave a magic wand and have cartoon things appear here in the real world, I would, and here’s what I would want.

1. The breakfast oatmeal from Mulan

I know there’s incredible cartoon food out there, but the virtual meal that calls to me most is the porridge that Mushu served Mulan at training camp. It’s this bad boy right here.

For whatever reason, I wanted this meal so bad as a child. I don’t know why because it doesn’t even look that exquisite, but it looks intriguing and like the ultimate comfort meal.

Now, someone on YouTube did make this meal once (even though Mushu calls it porridge, it’s also called congee and made from rice), but it just still looks better in cartoon form, and also I kind of want Mushu being the one to serve it to me?? Is that too much to ask??

2. This elegant updo hairstyle from The Sims

I have blogged a lot (and made a variety of TikToks) about how I grew up playing The Sims obsessively. And maybe I still frequent the game to this day. Like, for example, if it’s a rainy Sunday and I have no plans. Or maybe it’s a sunny Tuesday and I cancel plans to play The Sims. For example.

I love playing The Sims so much because it’s three different types of games in one. You have the first part where you create (and customize) your characters, then you have the house construction (and interior design part) and lastly, the part where you act out the lives of your characters and “play” the game.

I would always create households with like, nine women in them and then begrudgingly add one man to be the dad. It’s just human nature to be more drawn to women, right? This isn’t even a me thing - take a trip to any museum and you’ll see it in action! We love looking at women!

But at any rate, this regal updo has always looked perfect to me, and even though I’ve tried to recreate it IRL, it never turns out the same and just really hits different on The Sims.

3. Ariel’s waistline (damnit)

It’s only natural that I grew up envious of all the Disney princesses, but there was something about Ariel that stood out to me. Maybe it’s the fact that her waist is the size of her forearm. Seriously - look at it.

Source: https://www.glamour.com/story/disney-princesses-waists

As you can see in the comparison photos - and I highly suggest you check out this article that gives all of the Disney princesses realistic waistlines - you can see that Ariel’s waistline in the movie is literally the size of her forearm.

Isn’t that insane? Take your forearm right now and hold it against your waist. Try to imagine your waist the size of your arm. How did we watch this stuff as a kid?!?!

Also Ariel’s bangs were insane. They defy gravity every single second? And underwater? I mean good god, as if the waist wasn’t enough, now I’m insecure about my hair, too!

4. Arnold’s bedroom from Hey, Arnold!

Everyone who watched Hey Arnold as a child was obsessed with his room. There were a few different features that made his bedroom so compelling to all us as watching as children.

The first, was the location of it. Sure, it’s in the attic, but it was cool because it was away from his parents in a way that all kids kind of want at that age. You’re still in the house, but you have your own space to just be moody and…a kid. I remember another TV show where one kid lived in the basement and another where a kid lived on top of the garage - and all of those rooms are appealing for the same reason.

The second thing we loved about this room was the skylight and access to the roof. It was beyond cool that Arnold got to wake up with the clouds and sleep directly under the stars.

Also, the sheer space of his room was fantastic. It was kind of like a New York City studio. At any rate, consider me very jealous, and very much wanting this cartoon bedroom.

5. The forest dress that Aurora wears in Sleeping Beauty

When people show pictures of Sleeping Beauty in her pink and blue princess dress I’m always like, hi idiot, what are you doing?? Aren’t we all aware that her low-key forest dress was the most beautiful outfit of all time?! Of all time!

(Kanye West somewhere is silently nodding in agreement with me)

I have absolutely, 100% tried to order this dress online before. I don’t know what the reason is, but I always love the “working dresses” that the Disney Princesses wear and much prefer them to their ballgowns. And I know this because I obsessively take Buzzfeed quizzes where you have to pick each Disney princesses favorite dress, and something about their simple “humble beginnings” dress is always what does it for me.

6. Pokemon

Fuck it, let’s get Pokemon in here!

It’s funny how we are making strides digitally, but (in my opinion) they’re in the wrong direction. NFTs? The MetaVerse? Ew, no.

I like the more digital advances of BitMojis, Emojis, I like cartoon little avatars, and I wouldn’t ever pay for an NFT but I might pay for a digital pokemon as my digital pet. I swear, these Tech Giants need to think outside of the box and make it happen!

So, which of these 6 do you most want included in your real life? If I had to pick, I think I would do the forever-perfect bangs. I always tell myself that if I had perfect bangs, my life would suddenly transform, and I’m dying to see if it’s true…

Until the next one,
S

6 things from the cartoon world that I want in my real life