They grossly overestimated their attractiveness and now it’s sitting in your text thread - haunting you.

There’s something incredible about the United States Postal Service centers. They are horrible places where all hope goes to die and I’m fascinated by how they can be so exquisitely awful.

Just imagine if Beauty and the Beast transformations could happen on animals that are already kind of hot to start with. The result would be incredible.

Instead of taking a hormonal pill, or getting an IUD put into your body, try watching this video of Matthew Morrison from Glee dancing. It’s just as effective, and won’t cause any risk of blood clotting.

If there’s anything good that’s come out of this pandemic, it’s the ability to creep into people’s homes through a Zoom-sized square on your computer.

Allow me to present 5 shoe commercials that would trigger Ben Shapiro more than Cardi B’s WAP music video.

Certain food items in the grocery store bully me about living alone and not having a family. My womb may be barren, but at least my fridge is fully stocked!

A rule I’ve learned during my 27 years here on earth is to never tell someone who their doppelgänger is. If someone ever asks you “hey, what celebrity do you think I look like” there is only one correct answer, and that is Adriana Lima.

Life is hard enough as is. When you add “taking responsibility” and “being accountable” into the mix it becomes downright exhausting! Why not side-step responsibility altogether?

But like any game of courtship, you need to play your part! Don’t just throw yourself at the FBI…make them work for it a little bit.

Some people think anxiety rates have risen due to smart phones, or social media - but I know what the real reason is. Jenga, Operation, and other triggering children’s games that first introduced me to anxiety.

Disney created two of the most iconic wingmen of all time with Lumiere the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast and Sebastian the crab from The Little Mermaid.

Ever since people got the hang of Zoom, and realized that you can turn on a feature where the camera blurs your skin, we haven’t been able to take our eyes off of ourselves. Is it just the fact that I’m living alone and I haven’t seen another person in 36 hours, or am I getting cuter???