Ranking the most Chronically Online takes I've seen on TikTok
Last week, I set my TikTok account to private. If you made it in before the cut, congratulations! It’s been a fun little hangout the past couple days in there and I’m loving the exclusivity factor that now exists.
(My takes on discharge being overstimulating can now be seen by only 370,000 people. I like to keep it classy like that.)
TikTok reminds me a lot of the previously wildly popular social media platform Tumblr, because the takes on there are sometimes incredible online and overwhelmingly exhausting and it’s important that you either a) touch grass or b) find time to log off from those sites or c) make your account private from time to time to distance yourself from those wackos.
So today I want to rank some of the most wildly online concepts I’ve heard of, courtesy of bizarre TikTok comments
Not liking cats is a sign of (sometimes internalized) misogyny
This one is an interesting stretch. Apparently, not liking traditionally “feminine” things (cats, the color pink, and Starbucks drinks) means that you’re a misogynist. And if you don’t like traditionally feminine things and you’re a female, this could be a sign of internalized misogyny, or depending on what side of TikTok you’re on…”pick me vibes”
I personally funk with cats, and actually have the incredibly hot take that I don’t funk with dogs in the city. With all pets I take the approach of this: if I came over to your apartment and your brother jumped up on me, scratched me in the face, kept licking my thighs and crotch and then ate food off of my plate…you would put your brother away and apologize, right? In fact, you would probably let me make a citizens arrest on him if he was doing that! So why is it that when dogs do these same acts, dog owners act like you’re supposed to enjoy the action? Of having your legs scratched and your crotch sniffed? Miss me with that.
This take would absolutely put me in hot water if I said it on TikTok though…so on my lesser-read blog it will remain.
(I feel like I should also say that I truly do love dogs, I just only love ones that are well trained)
Not liking the Canadian Tuxedo look is classist
This one tickles me haha, but I have absolutely seen it before on TikTok!
I’m very curious what the Chronically Online takes are over on FashionTok, but in my short time on that part of the app I have seen this “take” which honestly baffles me because um…jeans are expensive. Even when I buy them on ThredUp (which truly is 90% of my closet at this point) they are still pricey.
But apparently if you think people wearing a denim top and bottom is gross…you are a classist bitch, because maybe that’s all they can afford to wear why on earth didn’t you hypothetically think of a fake situation where that could maybe exist and then be more sensitive around it….god!!!
That not drinking alcohol while pregnant is ableist
This one really made my mouth drop open when I saw it haha, because this is wild.
Yes, abstaining from alcohol while pregnant (to make sure your baby doesn’t get Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) is ableist because you are actively trying to have a…I don’t even know what the fuck the term is, a non fetal alcohol syndrome baby?
So you have two choices, mothers-to-be: either drink a Fireball shot right now or I get to call you ableist on TikTok!
Enjoying rainy weather is privileged and harmful because people who are currently experiencing homelessness do not like rainy weather
This type of TikTok take could actually, in my mind, be even more simplified to “enjoying [anything] is privileged and harmful”
I truly think some of these online cretins just don’t like it when others are experiencing the act of pleasure/joy, and they just try to find a way to make it a problem.
So, yes, if you enjoy a rainy day, knock it off you harmful bitch! When Adam Levine croons “Sunday morning, rain is falling,” I honestly get so unbelievably triggered it’s just so thoughtless of him to even say that and honestly that song should be pulled from the radio. It’s privileged.
Let me know what chronically online takes you’ve seen on TikTok, or if you’ve had the similar misfortunate to see any of the ones I mentioned here.
Let’s touch grass and stay green together!
Cheers,
S