7 perfume commercials more erotic than anything you could find on Pornhub
If tastefully made perfume commercials don’t make you at least a smidge horny, you’re a goddamn liar!
I absolutely love luxury fragrance commercials. I love everything about them. I love how it’s an expensive movie in under 90 seconds. I love the actresses that they feature. I love the small, insignificant plots, and the montages of decadent acts that quickly happen in under 15 seconds.
I love how Kiera Knightley is somehow always riding away on a motorcycle (wearing chic Chanel boots) in a way that leaves you going…will there be a part 2? When does the next commercial come out? I need to mark this on my calendar, quick!
So without further adieu, allow me to rank my favorite perfume commercials by how horny they made me. Mom and Dad (and literally everyone I work with) - apologies in advance for this entire post. But I have to stay true to me!!!
Here they are.
COCO MADEMOISELLE, the film with Keira Knightley – CHANEL Fragrance
The only word for this commercial is: iconic. It starts off with Kiera Knightley waking up and wrapping her top sheet around herself to form a dress (ladies, we start all mornings exactly like this, right?) dabbing some perfume on her perfect neck, and then wearing a sexy suede outfit to ride her motorcycle through Paris to a morning photoshoot. I’m already at half mast.
Then the sexy photographer photographs her and spoiler alert things get a bit steamy. I won’t tell you how it ends (I know you’re on the edge of your seat) because I simply insist that you watch it yourself. It will make you feel bougie.
The J'adore commercial with Charlize Theron
This commercial is everything my wildest dreams could have ever hoped for.
Roman baths (I’m obsessed with Roman Baths, and the Ancient Aire Baths in Tribeca are, to me, heaven on earth)
Women lounging by the baths??? Yes
The baths are somehow made of gold water
A bougie Kanye West remix that the women strut to
Charlize Theron moving slowly through gold water
This, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect video.
"Acqua di Gioia" with Emily Didonato | Fragrance by Giorgio Armani
I actually came upon this commercial because the model who is in it is on TikTok now (haha) and made a video talking about how this was her favorite piece of work she’s ever done. Obviously - I second the motion.
This video is hot in a cinematic way. This video makes me think the jungle is sexy, the ocean is sexy, rocks are sexy. Literally there’s a shot of rocks in here in between her running through the jungle drenched in water, and for a split second I think to myself those rocks can get it. That’s how effective this commercial is.
K by Dolce&Gabbana Eau de Toilette - The film 90"
Lest anyone forget that I am (mostly) straight, let’s get a male video in here, shall we?
This video is Hollywood over-the-top insanity and I am here for it. We start with a hot man in some European vineyard. He is wearing business clothes - except his crisp white button-down is buttoned all the way down to his navel. I love it.
Then he rides his old-school motorcycle through streets of a very European city so he can flex his abs all over the European marketplace. It’s a perfect perfume commercial. No notes!!
Francisco Henriques | Pure XS # Paco Rabanne
This commercial combines both sexiness with humor which is really hard to do. I mean, I know I pull off the combination fantastically, but it’s pretty rare to find!
This hot man is doing hot things in his hot bathroom (yes, even the interior design is hot) while women spy on him. That’s basically the plot in one sentence, but it is campy and fun and only 49 seconds long so I suggest you give it a watch!
Audrey Tautou - Chanel No. 5 Perfume Commercial Directed By Jean-Pierre Jeunet
This commercial has potential but somehow it doesn’t really take me there so it’s closer to the bottom of the list. It starts off with conditions being perfect. Paris? The sexiest city. A vintage train? The sexiest mode of transportation.
But then it gets a bit horror movie like with its music and suddenly I am not in the mood anymore - but hey, thanks for playing! This video did well, it’s just that fragrance commercials have a high bar for me.
Miss Dior with Natalie Portman
This video is distinctly not horny at all! First of all, Natalie Portman is gorgeous and classically attractive, but I don’t find her sexy if that makes sense?
Also, she leaves a man at the altar in this video. That makes me so sad. I can’t even imagine what that is like. It makes me sad, upset, and a bit angry at her. It does not make me want to buy this perfume! Shame! Shame on this commercial!
How do you end a blog post where you just talked about how horny perfume commercials make you? I don’t know. I really don’t know. All I can say is thank you for coming along this journey with me, and please let me know in the comments which perfume commercial made you the horniest.
Until the next one,
S